پایگاه اطلاع رسانی آیت الله ابراهیم امینی قدس سره

Remain Silent when he is Angry

Remain Silent when he is Angry

A man meets many people while at work and he comes across many problems. Once he returns home from work, he is tired and upon confronting the smallest unpleasant incident becomes angry and may insult his family.

A wise lady would remain silent towards her husband's ranting and insults. The man would then calm down and would regret his insults. If he sees that there is not any reaction to his anger, he would even apologize. With this approach the family gets  back to a normal situation after only an hour or two.

However, if the woman of the house did not understand her husband's sensitive position, then she would shout, swear, curse, and react sharply.

With this approach, the husband and wife might end up fighting and eventually resort to a divorce. Many families are broken up as the result of such little incidents. There are even cases where men become so angry that they erupt like a volcano and commit murder .

"A man shot himself, his wife and step-mother to death. The couple were believed to have had many rows and arguments right from the start of their marriage. On the night of the incident the husband had returned home from work when the couple started yet another argument. The husband hit his wife, and she decided to go to the police. Suddenly, the man took his gun, killed his wife, his step-mother, and then ended his own life with a bullet'."[88]

Would it not have been better for the woman to have remained silent at the husband's anger? Would three lives have been ended if the woman had been patient and had not reacted? Which one would you prefer? A few moments of silence or all the grave consequences of getting back at your husband? Do not imagine for a second that the position of the man is being defended here and that he is not guilty. Not at all. Of course he is guilty. He should not vent his anger out on his family. In the next chapter, this point will be discussed in more detail but here we are saying that a woman should be wise and not react towards her husband's anger, be it right or not. In this situation, the man may not be able to control himself, so it is important that the wife, in order to save her family, remains silent.

Women usually think that remaining silent, when coming face to face with their husband's anger, would belittle them, and that they would lose their respect. However, the situation is quite the reverse. A man who sees no reaction when insulting his wife. would certainly become remorseful. He would regard his wife as a loving woman, who despite her ability to retaliate, preferred to forgive him. His love for his wife would increase many fold. He would apologize and thus his wife would earn more respect.The Prophet (AS) of Allah stated: ' Any woman who tolerates her husband's bad temper, will be rewarded by Allah in the same way that He rewarded Asiyah[*], daughter of Muzahim, "[89].

'The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The best of your women is one who, upon seeing her husband's anger, tells him: 'I submit to your will. Sleep will not pass over my eyes unless you become content with me'."[90]

'The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'Forgiveness and tolerance would increase the honour and respect of their owners. Be forgiving so that Allah will cherish you'."[91]


[88] Ittela'at, 17th Tir, 1349 Solar Hijri.
[89] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 247.
[90] Ibid, p 239.
[91] Ibid, vol 71, p 419.