Pleasant Dispositions
Anyone who is good-natured with a pleasant disposition would also face the hardships and problems of life in the same manner. These are the kinds of personality that people are attracted to and continually seek. The pleasant disposition and attitude of a person would be immune to psychological disorders since their outlook to life is to overcome their hardships in the best feasible manner.
"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'No life is more agreeable than the one which is of a pleasant nature." [26]
But an ill-natured person would likewise find life unpleasant since the relationship of such people promote anxiety and tension. Such a person enjoys complaining and voicing one's dissonance with life. This type of attitude is avoided by most people whereby the person ends up with very few friends, These are then the conditions which are susceptible to various psychological problems, and other illnesses due to the anxiety and emptiness with which the person with a bad attitude views life.
"The Holy Prophet (SA) stated: 'A person with a bad disposition and attitude would be in permanent agony and suffering'."[27]
A good and pleasant attitude is essential between all people in general and between couples in particular since the couple must be together to form a joint life.
Dear lady! if you want to enjoy a pleasant life with your husband and children, make your attitude and disposition pleasant and agreeable. Be good-natured and not quarrelsome. You have the ability to turn your house into a lofty paradise or a burning hell. You can be an angel of mercy whereby your husband and children can find peace through you. Do you know what a beautiful impression you would leave on their souls with your smiling attitude and good language. The pleasant impression is fresh in their minds as they start off to school or work and helps them to make a good start of the day.
Therefore, if you care about the quality of your life and the relationship you have with your husband, do not be negative in nature. Be positive in your attitude and disposition since the best supportive pillar of security to marriage is a good set of ethics leading to a pleasant disposition.
Most instances of divorce are due to the incompatible nature of man and wife. The statistics on divorce conclusively indicate that the compatible attitude, moral values and disposition was non-existent in the couples. The main source of family rows and discord is due to the incompatible character of the couple's ethical principles and values. The following set of data is of interest:
"In the year 1968, 12,760 cases out of a total of 16,039 cases of marital complaints brought to court were based on incompatible moral foundations. In 1969, 11,246 cases out of a total of 16,058 cases, were based on the same reason. It is therefore evident that more than seventy per cent of family rows were due to this factor'."[28]
"A woman complained to the Council that her husband always ate his lunch and dinner outside. The husband then explained that the reason he ate outside was because his wife had absolutely no constructiveness in her and she was the worst of all the ill-disposed women in the world. The wife suddenly got up and started beating her husband in front of the judges'."[29]
This foolish woman thought that by complaining, abusing and beating, she could bring him back home. But she did not use the simple and intelligent method which was to be more considerate and to observe appropriate conduct.
"Another woman reported to the court that her husband has not been talking to her for 15 months and that he was paying for living expenses through his mother. The husband replied that he had enough of his wife's ill-disposed attitude which made him decide not to talk to her for 15 months'."[30]
Most of the family conflicts may be resolved with kindness, compassion and a pleasant disposition. If your husband is unkind, if he goes out for dinners alone, if he is abusive, wastes away all his wealth, speaks of divorce and separation or a number of reasons for family conflict, there is only one way to resolve them. The way is by being kind and good-natured. The results of exercising such behaviour are miraculous.
"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'Allah Almighty will grant a well-disposed person a reward equivalent to the blessings of Jihad. He will endow many blessings onto him day and night'."[31]
"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'Any woman who bothers her husband and distresses him is distant from the blessings of Allah and any woman who respects her husband, is obedient and does not cause him sorrow, is blessed and prosperous'."[32]
"There is a tradition reported that the Holy Prophet (SA) was informed of a good woman who fasted everyday and worshipped Allah every night, but she had an ill-disposed character and would hurt her neighbours with her sharp tongue. 'The Holy Prophet (SA) stated: 'There is no good in her and she is an inhabitant of hell'."[33]
[26] Bihar al-Anwar vol 71, p 389.
[27] Ibid, vol 73, p 298.
[28] Ittela'at, 15th Azar, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[29] Ibid, 3rd Bahman, 1350 Solar Hijri.
[30] Ibid, 3rd Shahriwar, l349 Solar Hijri.
[31] Bihar al-Anwar, vol 71, p 377.
[32] Ibid, vol 103, p 253.
* By Solar Hijri is meant Solar Calendar based on Hijrah of Prophet Muhammad (SA). Difference between the Gregorian Calendar and Solar Hijri is 621 years.
[33] Ibid, vol 103, p 253.